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The 7-Step
Affair Recovery Roadmap

Step 1: Crisis Management

Stabilize first, analyze later.​

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  • Agree on “no-harm” communication rules (short turns, text support if verbal flooding).
     

  • Safety checks: sleeping arrangements, triggers, sensory calm-down plans.
     

  • External disclosures: who needs to know and how to avoid overload.
     

  • Boundaries & STD testing. 

 

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Step 2: WHAT – Getting the Story

Full Therapeutic Disclosure (FTD) adapted for ND processing.

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  • Slow-paced, written timelines.
     

  • Allow stimming. Provide breaks during the meeting.
     

  • Avoid “leaking disclosure” pain by scheduling one well-prepared reveal. 

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Step 3: WHY –

Making Meaning

Dig into root causes without pathologizing neurodiversity.

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  • Explore family-of-origin patterns, sensory/self-regulation gaps, unmet attachment needs.
     

  • Differentiating reason "why": ADHD novelty-seeking, autistic shutdowns, and compulsive sex addiction.
     

  • Explore relationship differences: literal vs. implied language, social processing speed, sensory overload, intense shame spirals, masking, and “object- vs. social-based” conversation styles.

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Step 4: EMPATHY – Feeling the Impact

Translating emotions across different wiring.

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  • Impact Letter from betrayed partner; unfaithful partner reads it aloud for healing.
     

  • Trigger map: catalogue situations that overload the betrayed partner’s nervous system.
     

  • Skills for interoception and alexithymia (naming feelings, not just facts). 

 

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Step 5: OWN – Taking Responsibility

Zero blame-sharing, 100 % ownership.

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  • Identify broken commitments, minimization, gas-lighting.
     

  • Saying "sorry" without excuses.
     

  • Use concrete language; avoid abstract apologies that miss an autistic partner’s need for specifics. 

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Step 6: CHANGE – Building the Plan

Turn insights into new habits you can actually track.

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  • 3-Circle Plan for relapse prevention (clear “green/amber/red” behaviors).
     

  • Weekly ND-friendly check-ins (structured agenda, visual tracker).
     

  • Restitution Letter outlining measurable changes and sensory-aware intimacy rebuild.
     

  • External supports: ND-literate 12-step sponsor, peer groups, specialist therapy. ​

Step 7: COMMIT – Recommitment

Shared future, shared neuro-inclusive culture.

  • Make a clear decision to recommit (or not)
     

  • Draft a “Couple’s Owner’s Manual” covering sensory needs, communication hacks, and repair rituals.
     

  • Celebrate milestones (30-, 90-, 180-day integrity streaks).
     

  • Move from therapist-led to couple-led maintenance. 

How We Work

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  • Neuro-Informed Specialists only:
    Every therapist is trained in both the Affair Recovery Roadmap and neurodiverse couple dynamics.

  • Pace & Format Tailored to You:
    Shorter, more frequent sessions if attention fatigue hits; extended "weekend retreats" offered if more depth is needed
     

Ready to Start?

  1. Fill our confidential contact form 

  2. We match you with a neuro-informed specialist within 24 hours.

  3. Meet for a free consult 
     

Healing after betrayal is hard.

Doing it with different brains just means we need different tools—­not a different hope.

Let’s rebuild, together.

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